inane ramblings of a confused mind

I just got back from Afrika Burns (www.afrikaburns.com), and whilst I am dreadfully tired, I have never felt more alive in my life.

Photographs to be found on facebook.... http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=73610&id=738195625

I really can't begin to explain everything that happened. But try and imagine about 1000 people an hour away from any kind of civilisation, no cellphone reception, no running water or electricity, all loving each other and giving and sharing everything that they had. Imagine huge cars that had stereo systems attached and DJs and a car with a moving band driving around a circle a kilometre wide (I think, I'm just guessing here). Imagine men on stilts and people pedalling on bicycles to generate electrictiy to smelt metal and make smoothies. Imagine lovely people with spritzers walking around spraying you and men with dry ice and ice-creams in the 40 degree weather. Imagine a Bedouin tent where you could go for coolness, corn bread, Turkish coffee or tea, curry and entertainment. Imagine a car that distributes 40 litres of Sangria to the whole community (and riding on said car). Imagine dressing up in fishnets and wizard hats and tops that say "free hugs". Imagine getting love-bonded to five people. Imagine living in a society where you don't feel like you have to lock your car at night. Where you can dance around naked during the day. Where you can do crazy monkey chanting at sunset until you feel so dehydrated that you have to return to your campsite. Where everyone will give you something, even if it's just a friendly smile. Where you feel inspired to do something more with your life, instead of just sitting around doing nothing.

There are so many stories to tell about the experience. There's the one about how I came home one night only to be followed by some guy who watched me brush my teeth, told me about the Foo Fighters (because they have a song called Aurora) and then proceeded to break into our tent and refuse to leave. There's the story about climbing up a turbine-type artwork to have it break under my foot and form beautiful, beautiful scratches. There's the story about discovering that my burning man neighbour is my semi-neighbour in real life. There's the one about camping-barbie sets. There are so so so many things to say but for now I just want to go back.

I don't like civilisation anymore. Sure it feels great to have hair that doesn't feel like sandpaper but it's slightly disappointing. You reach a stage where you just stop caring about your appearance and now that I'm back in the city I just don't know what do with myself. I can't return to normality. I've had a truly life-changing experience. I hope. If I go back to my old self I will be rather unimpressed.

I love you. I love life. I love everyone. I want more love. I want to give more. I want to become a superhero. I want to be you. I want to be me. I want to give you what you want.

I hope I can stay like this.

This isn't a plea for you to become vegetarian.
This isn't about me making you feel bad about eating meat.
This is about me and my feelings and the fact that I just don't know what to do anymore.

I just watched Earthlings, which is like a 72 minute snuff movie about cruelty to animals. It was shocking. I'd seen a lot of the stuff before, but this just was unwatchable. Not only that, but it made it very difficult to sit there and think that I was doing nothing about the situation. Yet, I just can't work out how to stop it. There's this horrible horrible prejudice that makes people unable to see the cruelty - Benatar today called it "moral blindness" and it's incredibly true. I completely understand it. I was suffering from it myself just a few months ago. But now that I'm completely persuaded by the arguments I expect that they should also come naturally to everyone else! They just make absolute sense - once you've broken down the prejudices, of course. So I end up saying some crazy things and people just immediately ignore everything else that comes of my mind. Eh. I want to make a difference! I want people to stop eating meat!

But I also don't want to be the downer at the dinner party who brings up the topic again and again. Then again, I feel that I'm being hypocritical and denying my own morality if I don't. I think it's different from religious evangelism, however. I'm not trying to save their souls by making them to conform to my beliefs. I'm trying to reduce the pain and suffering of others by suggesting that they relinquish some of their gustinary pleasures.

What do I do? What do you (vegetarians/vegans) do?

I also want to become a vegan, but I'm not convinced that I could live easily and healthily on a vegan diet. I think I'll do the vegetarian thing for a few more years and then make the transition....

So I've been rather absent for a few days. Here's why.

Tuesday: wrote two exams, 8am and 5pm. 1130am (half an hour after my first exam finishes) I get a phone call.... "Want to make R500 and come in for a rehearsal for the advert you're shooting tomorrow?" I realise that R500 is not worth throwing away a first for film and so I stay at varsity and study diligently. I am sad that me studying 8/9 sections means that the one section that I didn't study is the easiest question and the other question in that section is hard. I am also sad that someone who only studied 3 sections (and you have to answer 2 questions out of 5) got all her questions.

I then hve plans to meet my lovely Kasha and my lovely Jess at 7 and 8 respectively so that we can go along to the Cabins in the Forest new music and sounds gigs. I get a phone-call at 730 informing me that my new call time for the shoot is 4am. FOUR AM! Anyway, we went along to the gig. Felt cool because Inge Beckman was there... Always cool to hang around musicians who other musicians like. Inge reminds me slightly of Amanda Palmer.


Inge


Amanda

I dunno, maybe it's just the eccentric female vocalist thing going. I dunno

Wednesday - Thursday. The shoot of doom.
Wednesday it rained. We were walking around barefoot in fields jumping on trampolines. Unsurprisingly, I am now sick.

I cannot jump on a trampoline.

They wanted me to jump high and in beat to a rhythm.

They realised that I could not possibly do this.

They made me jump to specific notes. I did this.

The director was French. He had the sexiest way of saying my name. I still hear him saying my name in my sleep.

They had cool equipment and even though I couldn't move the night of the shoot, had blood blisters on my feet and was thoroughly gross-looking, I got to see what it's like to work on a proper set with a proper budget. And I made R2000. And Rowan will be here in 18 days.

*jumps around*

Kant and his bloody Aesthetic Experience. Kant. Horrible. Horrible. Makes brain die.

I think something exciting happened today but I can no longer remember.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROWAN

Saw The Cabinet of Dr Caligari tonight with LIVE soundtrack by some members of Lark, Terminatryx and some other band I can't remember. But it was FUCKING awesome. Wow. I never really appreciated that film before but now.... sigh. Everything was just elevated to such a fantastic level. Dunno, maybe it was because I knew more about German Expressionism this time but wow. It was intense and I was actually scared at some stages...

Happy day.

Oh, and Grace and I decided to grab some food at Lola's (awesome veg restuarant in Long Street) and some randoms were doing a street casting for a German yoghurt advert and they called today to say that I'm shortlisted. It pays R1000 a day. It's a 2-3 day shoot. And I get to bounce on a trampoline :D

If I get it, that will be the cheapest lunch of my life.

I like song lyrics. They make me happy.

Will you kiss me again, so I can pretend that we're kissing for the first time.... Because when we kissed for the first time I was distracted

I think I just need to clarify something in light of Rowan's recent post.

I never intended to say that rape was better than meat-eating. Or that slavery was better than meat-eating. No matter my views on that subject, it was not what I intended to say. Rowan was asking me if I thought you could impose your vegetarian beliefs on your children, and I was saying that he could because you can SIMILARLY impose the belief that such obvious wrongs are also wrong.

Yes, there are arguments against vegetarianism, but I feel they fail - just as the arguments against the immorality of slavery and rape also fail.... So I think it is okay to encourage your children to be vegetarians, but, once again, if they decide to be non-veg I probably won't approve (just as if they decided to be slave-owners), but I would accept them. And I WOULD accept them eating meat more than I would accept them if they became murderers or slave-owners because meat-eating is considerably more socially acceptable!

And my brain is dead from essay studying so I've probably written this in an offensive manner again or not explained myself well enough so I will come later and edit...

An extract from the "Not the Monday Paper" which I think is pertinent to certain recent upsets.... It's a joke about the responses to my philosophy tutor's recent arguments AGAINST Affirmative Action. (Coincidentally, the said philosopher is also a vegetarian, but this is irrelevant to the debate).

A set of arguments against affirmative action, put forward recently by Professor Rabid Bendanear, instantly sent an expectant tremor through the university. We were hoping to see the administration bring out its strongest ideas to humble the quarrelsome Head of the Ferocity Department, and we weren’t disappointed. Many refutations of Professor Bendanear’s views have been offered. These rebuttals are not merely innovative: indeed, they are new forms of argument, unrecognised until now. It would be a pity if, in the passion of the debate, such templates were lost to us. They might never be rediscovered...

To express these fresh forms of refutation, we can symbolise Professor Bendanear’s set of
arguments with the term ‘X’. There is no need to use a more informative term, since there is
no engagement with Bendanear’s arguments in any detail.

Here, then, are ten new ways to refute X.

1. The complex argument
Say that X is unsound because it ignores complex social and historical factors. Do not explain
how these factors undermine X. They are too complex.

2. The tolerant argument Accept that X is reasonable, but point out that reason and truth
are not absolute. I have my truth, and you have yours. That is all one can say, except that my truth is used to formulate university policy and yours is not.

3. The innocent argument
Protest that X employs terms that are new to you. Do not mention whether the concepts behind the terms are equally unfamiliar to you.

4. The dirty bomb argument
Call X racist.

5. The weasel argument
Concede that X is not racist. But point out that if X were altered so as to become racist, it would be racist.

6. The heartfelt argument
State sincerely that affirmative action is good.

7. The hurt argument
Exclaim that X makes you feel insulted. Then end the discussion.

8. The indulgent argument
Smile leniently at Professor Bendanear. X is just the sort of thing he would say.

The final two arguments below are even more handy. They are useful not only to opponents of
Professor Bendanear, but also to any onlookers who suspect that his arguments are more
persuasive, but would prefer for reasons of their own not to advertise their preference.

9. The necessity argument
Say that whether or not you agree with Professor Bendanear, the university needs this sort of
debate. Do not say whether or not you agree with Professor
Bendanear.

10. The quiet argument
Say nothing.

UCT has one dolly. One. And I managed to get it for Friday. I'm so happy. Happy happy happy happy.

Rules:
- Bold all of the following TV shows of which you've seen 3 or more episodes.
- Italicize a show if you're positive you've seen every episode.
- Asterisk if you have at least one full season on tape or DVD
- If you want, add up to 3 additional shows (keep the list in alphabetical order).
-strikethrough crappy shows you were forced to watch by majority rules and one-tv families (or any other reason)
( under a cut because it's a long list )

what a loser!

ahahahhashdjlfasdl;fhasl;djfaskl;djfljewrjewih!

I hate auditioning people. And then realising they suck. And then seeing them on campus the REST of the whole fucking day. sigh.

Finding locations. Gr.

Finding props. Gr.

Being producer. Gr.

We auditioned the most beautiful guy today. I don't want to cast him because I think I'll be distracted... ha ha.

And if you don't believe in fantasy
Then don't believe in fantasy
Do you not believe in fantasy because it gets you down?
If you don't believe it's raining
I won't tell you that it's raining
Do you not believe it's raining just because it gets you down?
And if you don't believe in happiness
Then don't believe in happiness
Don't believe in happiness, but then you might be down
If you don't believe you're crying
Then don't believe you're crying
Do you not believe you're crying just because it gets you down?

- Winter Wonderland, Animal Collective.

In other news, I have barely started my philosophy essay and I'm only going to be home for like 4 hours tomorrow. Fun. I supppooooooooooosssssssseeeeeeeeeee I could not go to the burning man screening, but where would the fun be then? Burning Man is KEEPING me GOING!
www.afrikaburns.com.

Banned Books meme
Post the list of the top 100 Banned Books. Bold those you have read. Finally choose and read a banned book you have never read before during Banned Book Week (September 29 - October 6th).


1. Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
2. Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
4. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
6. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
7. Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
8. Forever by Judy Blume
9. Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
10. Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
11. Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
12. My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
13. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
14. The Giver by Lois Lowry
15. It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
16. Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine One or two... surely they don't mean EVERY ONE?
17. A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
18. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
19. Sex by Madonna
20. Earth's Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
21. The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson (tee hee, what a funny name)
22. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
23. Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
24. Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
25. In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
26. The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
27. The Witches by Roald Dahl
28. The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
29. Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
30. The Goats by Brock Cole
31. Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
32. Blubber by Judy Blume
33. Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
34. Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
35. We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
36. Final Exit by Derek Humphry
37. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
38. Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
39. The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
40. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
41. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
42. Beloved by Toni Morrison
43. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
44. The Pigman by Paul Zindel
45. Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
46. Deenie by Judy Blume
47. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
48. Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
49. The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
50. Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
51. A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
52. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
53. Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
54. Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
55. Cujo by Stephen King
56. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
57. The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
58. Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
59. Ordinary People by Judith Guest
60. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis (ooh ooh! I want to read this!)
61. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
62. Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
63. Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
64. Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
65. Fade by Robert Cormier
66. Guess What? by Mem Fox
67. The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
68. The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
69. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
70. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
71. Native Son by Richard Wright
72. Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Fantasies by Nancy Friday
73. Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
74. Jack by A.M. Homes
75. Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
76. Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
77. Carrie by Stephen King
78. Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
79. On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
80. Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
81. Family Secrets by Norma Klein
82. Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
83. The Dead Zone by Stephen King
84. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
85. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
86. Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
87. Private Parts by Howard Stern
88. Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford
89. Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
90. Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
91. Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
92. Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
93. Sex Education by Jenny Davis
94. The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
95. Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
96. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
97. View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
98. The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
99. The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
100. Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

In other news... I love directness. Especially when it comes neatly delivered to your facebook inbox. That's all I'm going to say for now.

They're making the script I wrote for film... I like affirmation. Makes the world seem better when everything else is falling to shit.

I have no idea when I'm going to get any work done these holidays.... but I'm smiling today and I think that's good enough.

But I think its really horrible that I can't eat marshmellows any more. I don't see why they have to make them with bovine gelatine :(

My course outline says my philosophy essay is due on Monday the 17th. The email I just got from my lecturer says its due NEXT friday. The essay topic only went up yesterday. I'm kinda confused.... I *had* planned to take this weekend (starting tonight) off! Rude.

celebrity thingy thing
( so you don't have to load huge pictures unneccesarily )

I'm not sad enough to post here and I'm not happy enough to post here. There's nothing going on in my life that I feel deserves publication and my brain seems devoid of original thought. My relationship with Livejournal seems to be declining. This makes me sad. But not sad enough to post on livejournal.

$5300.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth. From Mingle2 - Free Online Dating

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

I did the test twice - because I forgot to say I was vegetarian, and I got the same score.. Hm..

Well everyone has been doing these posts that go something like...

"I haven't updated here for 8 weeks. It has to do with acquiring a facebook account and a life. But I still read your journals"

And I do and that is my story! But really, join facebook. It's lovely.

I saw Jen on campus yesterday and she is coming (probably) to GRAHAMSTOWN! Go return of the lost nerds :)